so i didn't get the r.a. position, as most of you already know, but i need to rant about it at length, so here goes.

i said i wasn't going to get my hopes up about it, but -- lookit that -- i did.
i was super excited about not needing to take the train and a bus home every day. i was super excited about being able to see my friends more, being right across the street from the school and the myriad of resources it provides. i was really, freaking, pumped.

and then i got the email saying 'thanks, but no thanks'.

and i don't know what to do.

it's so unendingly frustrating and i kind of want to scream at something but i don't know what. i want a fucking appeals court is what i fucking want. because i know i'm extremely biased, but i think people who can pay to live at the damned school should be given less priority in these things than people who can't or something i don't know it just makes me mad.

what really angers me even though it shouldn't is that this girl i know pretty well got it. she's a complete airhead and i have absolutely no idea why she got it and i didnt when i'm a reasonable well grounded human being and i have no idea how i didn't get that across to them. fuck it.

the optimistic way of looking at it (once i get to that stage -- it's a long way off) is that not living there will allow me to save a bunch of money for moving out once college is over. but that's long term and the mature way of looking at it and i'm just not feeling that at all right now. right now i'm feeling like i want to not live in this house much longer but there's not a fucking thing i can do about it so yay.