to live at school so that i could go back there.
because likeeveryone gets to go back to a dorm room and i'm here all...here and stuff.
or maybe my problem is that my room is such a goddamn disaster that i can't do anything in it.
and that was all well and good in high school, but now, it's kind of a situation.
and the thing is i just haven't had like...a period of 4-5 hours that isn't filled with work, homework, or school, or sleeping (which i like).
we are not counting thanksgiving break as 'time' because i was thoroughly distracted and it was waaay too short of a time.
so i'll clean the shit out of my room over christmas break, seei f that helps my state of...whatever this is. if it doesn't, and even if it does, my ass is getting an RA application as soon as they come out. i just want to see what getting out of the house is like. my parents are good about letting me independent and all of that, don't get me wrong, but i'm still under their roof and i want to get out.
of course the problems with the RA thing are huge.
like the fact that i wouldn't be able to work at brueggs any more = no monies until another job is found.
and working and going to school is already stressing the hell out of me and killing homework time dead.
so if i work, and go do school, and do the RA bit, it's a problem. but maybe eliminating the commute will help sanity. worth a try, and worst that'll happen is they won't want me to be an RA and my ass will be home for another year.
oh also these midterms/finals will kill me.
i am posting my to-do list here because its ridiculousness is admirable and i'm going to sleep soon.
shit chiara has to do in the next...way too soon, in no particular order.
-memorize 100 paintings, along with the artists, and dates (because i thought the test was a week later. yep.)
-finish painting and setting up boot self-portrait-shadow-thing thing.
-take pictures of the damn thing 'in an environment'
-have form study teacher hate it because that's what she does.
-repaint 2 advanced paint-by-numbers and color assignments. the originals took about 3 hours. each.
-do old advanced paint-by-numbers assignment that i never got to
-waste a ton of paint
-write a 3-page paper for my lit class.
- do a set of questions for macbeth. and 3 other plays.
-crazy color theory painting squares thing for drawing class.
-sketches of a bigass drawing final.
-actual bigass drawing final. did i mention i have no space anywhere to draw on paper that is 3 feet long? or to set up the still life for that? yeah.
-visual language final. find articles that are interesting. write something. make 7 foot long banner picture thing in photoshop and pay 30 dollars for printing it. hoorah.
and i think that's all.
maybe i'll cross them off as i do them as a form of victory.
that. YAY MOTIVATION!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Hi Massart.
i love you, a lot.
i'm not sure that you understand that there is supposed to be a difference between 'midterms' and 'finals'.
these two very scary things are supposed to happen like...a month or so apart.
i do not need my midterm assigned for one week.
and my final the next.
this may kill me -- if only by concentrated charcoal/paint/plaster inhalation.
also fuck bagels.
that is all.
i'm not sure that you understand that there is supposed to be a difference between 'midterms' and 'finals'.
these two very scary things are supposed to happen like...a month or so apart.
i do not need my midterm assigned for one week.
and my final the next.
this may kill me -- if only by concentrated charcoal/paint/plaster inhalation.
also fuck bagels.
that is all.
Friday, November 4, 2011
in which there is blabber of all sorts
WHINE WARNING HERE.
another whinepost oh god what's become of me. feel free to skim down to the caps down there. they're beckoning you into sunshiney territory.
but there are eighteen days left
and
this is like
the worst part of the waiting thing.
i've done it once and i think i've figured out the pattern.
days one and two after leaving are the shittiest things on the face of the earth.
the first half of the waiting sucks, but it's fine, because you just kind of let the time pass and ignore it and don't think about it too much.
it's when it hits twenty that things get real, and time moves at the approximate speed of molasses in january.
it's awful cause you can see the days all contained within one month on the calendar -- you can pinch them, even, but that's still three weekends of work, three weeks of homework and stress.
using numbers makes it sound better -- eighteen days sounds better than two weeks and four days, but still. it's still about halfway, but it feels like the downhill slope -- but instead of picking up speed, time just strolls along at whatever pace it feels like.
the worst part is
i get frustrated like crazy
but it has nothing to do with our relationship or anything
because in that regard, things are wonderful. we talk just about every day, and i'm really and truly super happy.
it's got everything to do with the anticipation, excitement, and then letdown of this whole 'seeing each other every two months' thing.
and then i get to thinking about this keeping up over an extended period of time, this like WOAAAH emotional rollercoaster thing
and i know that i need to figure out a way to manage it, or frame it right in my head.
because again: there's absolutely nothing that makes me unhappy about this situation except the distance.
it kinda gives me extended PMS or something.
also i recognize that this whine is probably unjustified and definitely whiny, and not in the fine italian whine way, but it's the rollercoastery bit that's going to start taking a toll on me, and blabbing helps make it clear that it's really just the circumstance -- not the relationship itself -- that i'm getting argh about.
i want to make this work -- and i know that it can and that it's worth it -- the past five months have definitely proved that.
/wordvomit errywhere
IN OTHER NEWS, CHILDREN
midterms/final projects. holy. shit.
also we went to the ICA with my form study class -- woah.
some of the stuff in there is absolutely glorious and beautiful
but some of it
the fuck goes on and why is it in a museum WHY.
i don't understand why somebody bouncing a dirty basketball on a piece of paper is art.
i also don't understand how works of art can be considered such when they can't stand without their title. art is a visual medium, someone's literacy shouldn't determine their ability to understand it -- that's one of my favorite things about art.
two things that were super interesting though
a piece that was an oversized chaise lounge
created out of steel -- the kin with those little raised diamonds in it. except the steel was shaped in such a way that you could really mistake it for some seriously comfy fabric and want to sit on it. that was lovely.
there were also these boxes
and on the outside they looked like they were made out of scraps of concrete/brick, etc.
they were about the same width as a chimney.
but -- when you looked inside, there were four lightbulbs, one on each wall of the box, and mirrors set up in such a way that the lights reflected infinitely downwards, forming what appeared to be this crazy mine-tunnel into another DIMENSION.
that was nifty too.
but next week we are supposed to like...talk about what we saw
and that's funny because i really gave no poops about most of it.
we are also doing a non-literal self portrait sculpture art thing in that class as part of our final. right.
there's nothing i hate more than self portraits, because other people are so mch more interesting than i am.
also college money stuff is stressful.
my visual language teacher is having us do crazy color assignments and my room needs to not be orange for that to happen. or i could just move to another room but eh.
anyway, that's about it for now, i think? :D
i talk too much.
another whinepost oh god what's become of me. feel free to skim down to the caps down there. they're beckoning you into sunshiney territory.
but there are eighteen days left
and
this is like
the worst part of the waiting thing.
i've done it once and i think i've figured out the pattern.
days one and two after leaving are the shittiest things on the face of the earth.
the first half of the waiting sucks, but it's fine, because you just kind of let the time pass and ignore it and don't think about it too much.
it's when it hits twenty that things get real, and time moves at the approximate speed of molasses in january.
it's awful cause you can see the days all contained within one month on the calendar -- you can pinch them, even, but that's still three weekends of work, three weeks of homework and stress.
using numbers makes it sound better -- eighteen days sounds better than two weeks and four days, but still. it's still about halfway, but it feels like the downhill slope -- but instead of picking up speed, time just strolls along at whatever pace it feels like.
the worst part is
i get frustrated like crazy
but it has nothing to do with our relationship or anything
because in that regard, things are wonderful. we talk just about every day, and i'm really and truly super happy.
it's got everything to do with the anticipation, excitement, and then letdown of this whole 'seeing each other every two months' thing.
and then i get to thinking about this keeping up over an extended period of time, this like WOAAAH emotional rollercoaster thing
and i know that i need to figure out a way to manage it, or frame it right in my head.
because again: there's absolutely nothing that makes me unhappy about this situation except the distance.
it kinda gives me extended PMS or something.
also i recognize that this whine is probably unjustified and definitely whiny, and not in the fine italian whine way, but it's the rollercoastery bit that's going to start taking a toll on me, and blabbing helps make it clear that it's really just the circumstance -- not the relationship itself -- that i'm getting argh about.
i want to make this work -- and i know that it can and that it's worth it -- the past five months have definitely proved that.
/wordvomit errywhere
IN OTHER NEWS, CHILDREN
midterms/final projects. holy. shit.
also we went to the ICA with my form study class -- woah.
some of the stuff in there is absolutely glorious and beautiful
but some of it
the fuck goes on and why is it in a museum WHY.
i don't understand why somebody bouncing a dirty basketball on a piece of paper is art.
i also don't understand how works of art can be considered such when they can't stand without their title. art is a visual medium, someone's literacy shouldn't determine their ability to understand it -- that's one of my favorite things about art.
two things that were super interesting though
a piece that was an oversized chaise lounge
created out of steel -- the kin with those little raised diamonds in it. except the steel was shaped in such a way that you could really mistake it for some seriously comfy fabric and want to sit on it. that was lovely.
there were also these boxes
and on the outside they looked like they were made out of scraps of concrete/brick, etc.
they were about the same width as a chimney.
but -- when you looked inside, there were four lightbulbs, one on each wall of the box, and mirrors set up in such a way that the lights reflected infinitely downwards, forming what appeared to be this crazy mine-tunnel into another DIMENSION.
that was nifty too.
but next week we are supposed to like...talk about what we saw
and that's funny because i really gave no poops about most of it.
we are also doing a non-literal self portrait sculpture art thing in that class as part of our final. right.
there's nothing i hate more than self portraits, because other people are so mch more interesting than i am.
also college money stuff is stressful.
my visual language teacher is having us do crazy color assignments and my room needs to not be orange for that to happen. or i could just move to another room but eh.
anyway, that's about it for now, i think? :D
i talk too much.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
things that suck about commuting
whine one
on a usual wednesday, i have three classes - my theater seminar from 9:45 -12:45, art history from 1:30 -3:00, and visual language 3-8. it's a long day, but it usually goes by pretty fast and easily and whatnot. this morning, i got up very much on the wrong side of the bed, i'd sort of slacked on the reading for my seminar, and was seriously contemplating not going to class. but i dragged my sorry ass out of bed, got dressed, missed the bus, but eventually got here -- on time, even! so me and my kajillion pounds of backpack (we had to bring computers to get at the latest book we've been reading) haul it five floors up, only to find a nice little sign on the door saying that class has been cancelled.
i mean, that's all well and good
if you have a place to spend the four hours until your next class -- which i don't, really.
basically
i should have followed my instincts and stayed the heck in bed today, instead of coming all the way out here just to sit around. it's mostly just frustrating because i can't go back home and chill, because it's going to take me a solid hour and a half to get home, and by that time -- totally not worth it. all the people i know are in class right now, leaving me pretty solidly by my lonesome until 1:30, when western art starts.
i wish they had a napping couch. that'd make me super happy, but, alas.
also there are a pair of students speaking chinese/japanese or something like that right across from me, and i'm tired and it sounds like knives.
/end whine
/end whine
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