in which there is blabber of all sorts

WHINE WARNING HERE.
another whinepost oh god what's become of me. feel free to skim down to the caps down there. they're beckoning you into sunshiney territory.

but there are eighteen days left
and
this is like
the worst part of the waiting thing.

i've done it once and i think i've figured out the pattern.
days one and two after leaving are the shittiest things on the face of the earth.
the first half of the waiting sucks, but it's fine, because you just kind of let the time pass and ignore it and don't think about it too much.
it's when it hits twenty that things get real, and time moves at the approximate speed of molasses in january.
it's awful cause you can see the days all contained within one month on the calendar -- you can pinch them, even, but that's still three weekends of work, three weeks of homework and stress.

using numbers makes it sound better -- eighteen days sounds better than two weeks and four days, but still. it's still about halfway, but it feels like the downhill slope -- but instead of picking up speed, time just strolls along at whatever pace it feels like.

the worst part is
i get frustrated like crazy
but it has nothing to do with our relationship or anything
because in that regard, things are wonderful. we talk just about every day, and i'm really and truly super happy.

it's got everything to do with the anticipation, excitement, and then letdown of this whole 'seeing each other every two months' thing.

and then i get to thinking about this keeping up over an extended period of time, this like WOAAAH emotional rollercoaster thing

and i know that i need to figure out a way to manage it, or frame it right in my head.

because again: there's absolutely nothing that makes me unhappy about this situation except the distance.

it kinda gives me extended PMS or something.

also i recognize that this whine is probably unjustified and definitely whiny, and not in the fine italian whine way, but it's the rollercoastery bit that's going to start taking a toll on me, and blabbing helps make it clear that it's really just the circumstance -- not the relationship itself -- that i'm getting argh about.

i want to make this work -- and i know that it can and that it's worth it -- the past five months have definitely proved that.


/wordvomit errywhere

IN OTHER NEWS, CHILDREN

midterms/final projects. holy. shit.

also we went to the ICA with my form study class -- woah.
some of the stuff in there is absolutely glorious and beautiful
but some of it
the fuck goes on and why is it in a museum WHY.
i don't understand why somebody bouncing a dirty basketball on a piece of paper is art.
i also don't understand how works of art can be considered such when they can't stand without their title. art is a visual medium, someone's literacy shouldn't determine their ability to understand it -- that's one of my favorite things about art.

two things that were super interesting though
a piece that was an oversized chaise lounge
created out of steel -- the kin with those little raised diamonds in it. except the steel was shaped in such a way that you could really mistake it for some seriously comfy fabric and want to sit on it. that was lovely.

there were also these boxes
and on the outside they looked like they were made out of scraps of concrete/brick, etc.
they were about the same width as a chimney.
but -- when you looked inside, there were four lightbulbs, one on each wall of the box, and mirrors set up in such a way that the lights reflected infinitely downwards, forming what appeared to be this crazy mine-tunnel into another DIMENSION.

that was nifty too.
but next week we are supposed to like...talk about what we saw
and that's funny because i really gave no poops about most of it.
we are also doing a non-literal self portrait sculpture art thing in that class as part of our final. right.
there's nothing i hate more than self portraits, because other people are so mch more interesting than i am.

also college money stuff is stressful.

my visual language teacher is having us do crazy color assignments and my room needs to not be orange for that to happen. or i could just move to another room but eh.

anyway, that's about it for now, i think? :D

i talk too much.